Am I where I want to be in life? Do I have myself together? Can I really settle down and make her the one if I don’t know my own direction? These are the things that run through a man’s mind as we get closer to embarking on that journey to 30. But for a lot of women, by this age you already have yourselves a little more established, the wedding bells are ringing, and all the goo goo’s and gaga’s are giving you baby fever. So for men this is what we struggle with; do we focus on the career, the commitment, or can we have both? I am not here to discourage women and say that you can’t have what you want, but I am here to give you some insight as to what goes on in a man’s mind at this age. In order to coexist with the opposite sex you must respect their differences. This doesn’t mean that you have to conform to their ways but you need to respect their outlook on life whether you agree or disagree with it. We men have the same goals as women (career, wedding, and a family) however our timing can be a little off compared to yours.
Not to go too far back in age, but let’s talk about the process of going to college. Most women that go to college already know what they want to major in, why they are choosing that major, and probably already have a job title in mind. When a man goes to college he’s usually undecided on his major in the beginning, changes his major at least once during that 4 year term, and unsure of what kind of job that major may land him. More than anything, during our college experience we party, meet girls, all while getting an education in the process. So as you can see the end goal is the same as women, however we are a little all over the place during the process, but that is our way of finding ourselves. This applies to how men weigh their options/make decisions when we hit that middle age mark. This is not an excuse to prolong a relationship or even marriage but it plays a role in us being hesitant to making those decisions while children and marriage is a no brainer to women. There is no right or wrong way to making these decisions, but it is important that men and women both understand that we are different and in building any type of relationship there has to be some sort of compromise. In a lot of cases there aren’t any compromises and women put the pressure on to move forward with life rather than trying to truly understand the man’s concern. There’s nothing wrong with a little pressure, but it’s important that you make sure it’s for the right reason. So I think it’s important that you understand our position on why our career is so important to us and how it plays a part in our thoughts as far as commitment:
- Having a career makes us feel important-Trust me ladies, we know more than you think we know that most women don’t want a broke man. I know a lot of women who don’t care about how much you make as long as you are out here making some money and being able to contribute on bills, but having a career/job puts us on the most eligible bachelor list for that dream woman we are always looking for. Without a stable or promising career/job she is not even accessible to us. How can we truly pursue her but we can’t take her on a date? Every woman deserves to be courted the right way, not this new era of text and then smash way. That career provides us with the opportunity to become the best version of a man, not just for ourselves but for you.
- Being a provider to our current or future family is a main priority– Everyone knows that the man is supposed to be the provider and whether you believe it or not every man strives to be that at some point of their life. I think a lot of people took the concept of providing a little out of hand by thinking the man should provide so that the woman can stay at home. Yes it is a form of providing but it’s not the only form of providing. I am a firm believer in letting women work if they want to because I understand in our current society everyone likes to have their own. One meaning of being a provider is to give your family options because a man doesn’t feel that he is providing when options are limited. To explain this more in depth a lot of men think that providing his wife or significant other with the option to work or not work is being a provider. Another example is if the family is outgrowing the current house they are staying in, providing is giving them the option to get a bigger house. I’m sure by now you all get the point…
- We don’t want to be that man living off of his woman– Yep, I said it and it’s the TRUTH. Every man has a little bit of pride in him and it can be deflating to a man to be in a house where his woman is able to provide more than he is. Now I know we have this new generation of men that like to use women and have their woman buy them all these expensive things and they give her nothing in return. That’s a sorry excuse for a man in my opinion. Where are your morals and values? The only time you should be living off of a woman is when you are being raised by your mom as a child and even that has a time limit. Now I know there are a lot of women that don’t mind helping their man and being the sole provider for the family and that’s great. I commend the women that choose to do that, but all help is not good help. What is that teaching your man? I don’t believe that’s teaching him to be the best man he can be because your help could possibly be crippling him from becoming the man you always dreamed of. If a woman is the sole provider it shouldn’t stay like that forever. I think it should change over time, meaning that the man should be on his grind for his family. I know many of you may not agree but it’s just my opinion because I hold all men to a higher standard and you should as well. Trust that it will only benefit greatly in the end.
- A dream job completes us– Men are very simple when it comes to life. We want that dream job, great wife, and children. With all those things we want to be able to provide them with not only their needs but their wants as well. Your dream job makes you jump out of bed with excitement ready to take on the world. This job is where we make a name for ourselves by the accomplishments and relationships we gain and with those we build a legacy for our children to follow if they choose to. Even if they don’t, they at least have that choice. With this job money is important but it is not the primary focus it’s just an added bonus. Even though this job may be stressful at times we understand how important it is to us just like a marriage. It is a lifetime commitment and not just a trophy on the mantle. This job is not only part of our purpose but it is what we were born to do. I’m sure every man reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about because that burning desire sits in the heart of every man.
Now that you know a few reasons why men would prefer to get their career going in the right direction before making any fast decisions do you see the similarities? Most women have these same battles of the mind, but theirs are just focused in different areas and at an earlier time. It’s not saying that women or men are wrong. I’m more so saying that we experience life at different times and I feel that it’s important to respect those differences and help each other reach the final goal.
For all of the men that are wondering can you have both (a career and commitment) you absolutely can with a supportive woman and a plan. I think most women would understand why a career is so important to you if you just communicated that to them and also discussed your plans together. I’m sure she would be more than willing to help you reach the level you are attempting to accomplish but you must also consider what she wants and needs in your process of chasing your dreams or career. If you don’t want to include her or consider her feelings you probably aren’t ready for that commitment, but just know that it will be your loss.
- One Man’s Voice